They'll Never Know
by tutorwife93
Summary: AU: "I know I seem like I'm okay. But I'm more messed up inside than you realize." When Lux tries to kill herself, Cate and Baze finally realize that she's not okay. How will the family deal with everything? And will the guilt tear them apart? Dark Themes
1. Trouble In Here

**A/N: Wow I've really got to stop starting new stories (I try to update my other ones later today) but I was watching Family Theapized for like the hundredth time (best episode yet!) and couldn't let go of Lux's "I know I seem like I'm okay. But I'm more messed up inside than you realize" line. Then I was thinking, that's exactly how I felt before I tried to kill myself, and I know that when everything comes piling down on you, it can be suffocating. So it led me to this, which, btw, will be very dark.**

**Oh, and Cate and Baze are together and their parental rights have been reinstated, but Ryan is still in Lux's life just coz I love their relationship! So... perhaps it takes place after the season finale (??) Guess we'll have to watch the next two weeks to find out!**

**Anyhow, hope you enjoy, please review and please remember to vote for LUX in Kristen's Save One Show! Let's face it, you wouldn't be reading this if you didn't love the show so please please please vote for another season! :)**

**Chapter 1- Trouble In Here**

Lux rolled over in her bed, lazily hitting snooze on her alarm. She was tired, unbelievably tired, but she knew Cate wouldn't be happy if she skipped another day of school.

Slowly, Lux pulled herself out of bed and walked down the steps, spotting her parents attempting to make breakfast in the kitchen. She smiled slightly, leaning against the doorframe as she watched them.

Cate was different than she was when she was with Ryan. Sure, she had been happy when she was with him, but there was something about Baze that changed her, allowed her to be her true self. They fit perfectly, like two puzzle pieces, and Lux was just... a spare piece.

"Morning!" Cate smiled upon spotting Lux and leant back into Baze's backward embrace. "Baze made pancakes."

"Your mom helped too. Well, at least tried to." Cate playfully hit his chest, turning in his embrace and wrapping her arms around his shoulders as she kissed him.

Lux rolled her eyes but couldn't help but smile at them. She liked when they were happy; it made the bad things better. "You know that's really nauseating when I'm just about to eat."

Both of them smirked, Baze kissing the top of Cate's head before they separated and took a seat at the table with Lux. It was nice, the family feeling. Cate had managed to persuade Alice to move the show to a later timeslot, seeing as Baze had taken over for Ryan, and both parents tried to spend as much time with Lux as they could.

Tasha was gone, and Bug was unreliable, but school was tolerable, even if Jones had moved on and she had no friends.

Lux looked at her food, pushing it around on her plate with her fork. Cate and Baze tore themselves out from their love gazes, noticing this. "Hey, you okay?" Baze asked after sharing a concerned glance with Cate.

Lux forced a smile, standing up. "Just not really hungry. I'm going to get ready for school."

She took her plate over to the sink, rolling her eyes at the fact that her parents had accepted her clearly untrue answer.

Lux showered and dressed quickly, feeling completely exhausted at the end of it. All she wanted to do was crawl under her covers and sleep, but walked into Cate's, and now Baze's, bedroom to see if her parents were ready to leave.

She climbed on the bed and leant up against the backboard, watching as Cate hurried to get herself ready, and Baze tried to find a clean top.

Cate smirked as his search ended unsuccessfully. "You know, it would be a lot easier if you moved some of your stuff here." She spoke without thinking and both Baze and Lux looked at her surprised.

"You're asking me to move in?" Baze asked, slightly amused as Cate blushed.

Cate shrugged like it was no big deal, blushing furiously. "Yeah... yeah, I mean, you practically live here anyway. And that way you could spend more time with Lux..."

She stopped and smiled as Baze wrapped his arms around her from behind, kissing her neck. "And I could spend more time with you."

She giggled like a little kid, kissing him. When Baze deepened the kiss, Lux rolled her eyes and coughed to interrupt them. "Uh, kid here?"

Cate pulled away, slightly embarrassed but grinning. She grabbed her makeup bag out of her purse, planted one last kiss on Baze's lips and headed to the bathroom. "So you're moving in?" Lux asked after a few seconds.

Baze frowned, unable to read her as he took a seat on the bed next to her. "If you're okay with it?"

Lux nodded, smiling slightly. "I'd like that. And obviously Cate would too."

Baze smirked, ruffling Lux's hair and standing up. He thought for a second before sniffing his top and shrugging. Lux looked at him disgusted. "That's gross." She stated, standing up and walking to the foyer, Baze and Cate following.

Lux grabbed her bag, walking out to the car and jumping in the backseat, putting her iPod in. Cate and Baze exchanged a worried look, both thinking the same thing, but followed Lux to Cate's car anyway, Baze driving.

Baze pulled up outside of Westmonte five minutes after school had started, and Lux reluctantly grabbed her bag. "Bye."

"Wait, Lux!" Cate called before Lux could get out of the car. Lux looked at the two of them confused as they turned around in their seats to face her. "I-uh, do you need us to pick you up?"

Lux rolled her eyes, knowing that was not the question they wanted to ask. "I can get a ride."

Lux got out of the car, slowly walking towards the entrance, figuring she was already late so there was no point in rushing. "Have a good day!" She heard Cate call after her, and she held up her hand to wave goodbye over her shoulder.


	2. We All Lose One Another

**Chapter 2- We All Lose One Another**

Lux slowly walked into her first classroom late after spending fifteen minute standing in front of her locker with no real purpose except to skip home room. "Ah, Miss Cassidy, how nice of you to join us."

Lux rolled her eyes, taking a seat. She hated her teacher, and despite English being her favorite subject, she wanted to be anywhere else but there right now.

Lux put her iPod earphones in and laid her head down on her desk, closing her eyes. "Miss Cassidy! You better not be sleeping in my class!"

Lux opened her eyes, pulling out one of her earphones and looking at him. She felt nothing; not anger, not guilt, not fear, and defiantly not happiness. "Well! Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

Lux shrugged, too tired to fight." Sorry." She mumbled.

The teacher was about to have another go at her but stopped himself, leaning closer to her. "See me after class."

First period seemed to take forever, but Lux hung around afterwards as requested. The teacher looked up at her from his position in his desk chair, handing her a paper booklet. Lux took it, looking it over. It was her test from the previous week; the test that had been worth 10% of her years grade, and the test she had scored 39% on.

"Get a parent to sign that. They need to be informed you're failing." His voice held little anger, mainly disappointment.

Lux sighed. Cate was going to be pissed. "Fine. Is that all?"

The teacher looked up at her, a look of concern on his face. "Is everything okay at home?"

Lux looked at him, realizing that he was concerned and there was no reason for her to respond meanly. "Everything's fine." She spoke the two words she had been telling everyone, and trying to believe herself, for the past few weeks.

"Alright." The teacher sighed. "You should head to your next class. I'll write you a late pass." He went to write but Lux waved him off.

"Don't bother." She said as she left the room.

School seemed to take longer than usual, and Lux sat on a bench by the car park waiting for Ryan. She hadn't been lying when she told her parents she would get a ride, but she didn't feel the need to tell them Ryan was the one who would be driving her.

Even though he and Cate had left things in a bad place, Ryan had shown up after school a few days later promising Lux he still wanted, and would be, in her life.

"Hey." Ryan smiled as he pulled up in front of her. Lux smiled slightly, grabbing her things and climbing into the passenger's seat. "How was your day?"

Lux shrugged, buckling herself in and leaning her head against the window. Ryan laughed gently. "That bad, huh?"

They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Ryan spoke up. "What time's your mom getting home?"

Lux shrugged. "Probably not for another couple of hours."

"That's good. I've got something to talk to you about." Lux looked at him confused. His voice held a tinge of sadness, as did his eyes when he smiled, and it worried her.

They pulled up in the parking lot of a local park, both getting out of the car and Ryan leading Lux over to a bench. They sat in silence before Lux spoke up. "So?"

Ryan bit his lip, placing a hand on her shoulder, deciding to just get it out. "I'm leaving."

Lux raised an eyebrow. "You're leaving? What do you mean you're leaving? Where are you going?"

"I accepted a job in Denver. The job's perfect, the pay is good, and I just- we'll frankly, I just need to get away for a little while. From Portland, I mean."

Lux looked at him shocked before pulling her arm away from him. "So move to Salem!" She took a deep breath. "I just- I don't get why you have to move so far."

"This place hurts, Lux. With everything that happened with Cate, and the show- I just need a break."

Lux bit her quivering lip, trying to keep herself from crying. "What about me?" She asked after a few minutes. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Lux, look at me." Ryan lifted Lux's chin so that the teenager looked at him. "I promise you, anything you need, I'll be here. And we'll talk on the phone, email, webcam. I'll still be here for you."

"You just won't be _here_." Lux lost her battle though her crying remained controlled, tears simply slipping down her cheeks. "When do you leave?"

Again, Ryan bit his lip, looking at her with a sheepish "sorry" look on his face. "Tomorrow morning."

"What the hell?" Lux yelled though she wasn't angry, just scared. "How long have you known?"

"Only a couple of days. I found out on Monday but I didn't know how to tell you."

Lux's face crumbled, but she composed herself before Ryan could comfort her. She pushed him away as he went to hug her, folding her arms across herself. "Just... take me home."

Lux walked off towards the car leaving Ryan to slowly follow her. They pulled up outside Cate's place a few minutes later and Lux's crying still hadn't ceased. "You know I'm always going to be there for you." Ryan spoke softly, wiping Lux's tears away.

She bit her lip as it quivered again, nodding. Lux allowed Ryan to wrap his arms around her, finally letting go and sobbing into his shoulder. "I don't want you to go."

"I know." Ryan whispered, rubbing Lux's back. Finally, Lux composed herself enough and pulled away. "You call me, if you ever need anything, Lux. Even if it's just to talk."

Lux nodded. "You promise you won't forget me?" Her insecurities made her sound like a little kid.

Ryan smiled, wrapping an arm around Lux's shoulders and placing a kiss to her forehead. "How could I ever forget you?"

Lux reluctantly pulled away a few minutes later and climbed out of the car. She looked at Ryan and he smiled back sadly. "I love you, Lux."

Lux nodded. "You too." She whispered. "Have a safe trip."

Ryan smiled sadly at her once more before driving off, leaving Lux on the sidewalk. Lux managed to maintain herself a total of seven seconds before her walls shattered and she broke down crying, hunching over.

Finally, she composed herself enough and walked inside, throwing her bag down by the door and surprised to see Cate and Baze there. "You're home!" Cate smiled, jumping up from her position more on Baze than the couch.

"So are you." Lux replied, though her sarcasm didn't hold its usual tone.

Lux walked past them, frustrated at herself for needing a drink when all she wanted to do was escape them. She really didn't feel like explaining things, and she knew if they saw she was upset, they would make her.

Both Cate and Baze followed her into the kitchen, leaning against the table as they watched her. Lux made sure to avoid showing her face to them, knowing it would be a dead giveaway. "Did Jones drop you home?"

"Yep." Lux had yet to tell them she hadn' t talked to Jones in weeks, but figured it was easier to just lie than tell the truth.

Lux was almost passed them when Baze stepped in front of her, stopping her tracks. "You've been crying." His voice held concern.

"Nothing gets by you." Lux mumbled defensively.

Cate lifted her head, making eye contact. "Wait, what? You've been crying? Why? What happened?"

"Nothing." Lux pushed passed them, climbing the stairs to her room. "I'm tired."

Lux lifted the stairs before Cate or Baze could grab the string and they groaned in defeat. "We'll be waiting here if you want to talk." Cate called up at her.

Lux walked across the room, not bothering to change as she climbed into bed and curled up under the covers, immediately falling asleep.

"You could climb through the window." Cate suggested.

Baze rolled his eyes at her suggestion. "Right, Cate. I'll just go climb the house and get in through the tiny attic window."

Cate sighed. "Well I don't see you coming up with any better ideas." She defended.

Baze thought for a moment before walking down the hallway to pick up Lux's bug. Cate looked at him confused before realizing what he was suggesting. "No, no, no way. That's a major invasion of privacy. I would have killed my mom if she did that to me."

"What other choice do we have, Cate? She's obviously not going to talk to us. You want to know what's wrong, right?"

Cate bit her lip, pausing before deciding. "Fine." She sighed, taking the bag and sitting on the couch. "Just one little peek. But if she finds out, I'm telling her it was your idea."

Baze nodded, opening the backpack and tipping out the contents onto the coffee table in front of them. Both of them frowned and began to sort through Lux's belongings. There was nothing unusual in there; school books, pencil case, wallet.

Baze dropped one of the books and Cate bent over to help pick the contents up, coming across Lux's English test. "39%? You've got to be kidding me!"

Cate ran to the closed off attic stairs, yelling as Baze followed. "Lux!" She called. "Get down here now!"

"Cate, what is going on?" Baze asked confused and Cate handed him the paper in response.

Baze looked at her obliviously after reading over it. "So?"

"So? So, she got 39%! That's a fail!" Again, Cate looked towards the ceiling. "Lux!"

"Cate, it's not that big of a deal. So she failed one test."

Cate looked at him frustrated. "That test was worth 10% of her year's grade and she failed. After telling me she had studied for it! Lux!" She yelled at the ceiling once again, this time having the rope lowered.

Baze reached up and pulled down the stairs, Cate climbing them the second they were on the floor. Baze followed, hovering back as Cate stalked to stand in front of the bed, Lux looking up at her emotionless.

"What the hell is this?" Cate questioned, throwing the test down on the bed.

Lux picked it up and rolled her eyes. "A test."

"Cut the crap, Lux." Lux looked at Baze confused, surprised at Cate's attitude and language. "I know what it is. What I want to know is how you failed it?!"

Lux shrugged. "I just did?" She offered.

"Lux, this grade is worth 10%!"

Lux stood up angrily. "I don't care, Cate! I never have. That's you, and newsflash, I'm not you!"

She pushed passed them and walked into the bathroom, locking it behind herself. Cate and Baze began to bang on the door and yell seconds later, Cate because of the grade, and Baze because she yelled at Cate.

Lux sat hunched over on the edge of the bathtub, sobbing. It hurt, everything hurt, and it was all too much. She couldn't deal with this, especially not all at once.

Lux's crying drowned out her parents yells, instead turning them to concerned questions. Lux ignored them, curling in a corner and wrapping her arms around her legs in a hope to give herself some form of comfort.

The loneliness, the rejection, the constant reminder that she wasn't good enough, it was all too much. It hurt too much, and it made her so tired. Too tired.

Lux cried until she couldn't cry anymore, feeling physically sick. She slowly and shakily stood up, now completely oblivious to her parents desperate voices.

Lux looked at herself in the mirror. She knew she wasn't worth it. She wasn't worth anything. She was worthless, and a burden, and even Ryan couldn't stand to be around her. Lux opened the medicine cabinet, completely calm.

She felt numb, and realized at that moment it was better than feeling anything. Lux reached her hand up as if she was in a daze, taking hold of Cate's freshly refilled sleeping tablets.

She opened them, pouring them out onto her palm. She was so, so tired, and everything hurt too much, it was suffocating her.

In one swift movement Lux threw the handful of pills into her mouth, filling up the awaiting cup with water and washing them down.

She sat back down on the floor and curled up, a sense of relief flowing through her body as she drifted to sleep.

"Lux!" Baze's voice drifted into the bathroom from under the door. "Lux, if you don't answer this door right now, I'm breaking it down!"

Lux lay unconscious on the bathroom floor, her breathing shallow and her face completely pale. Minutes later, the door flew open, breaking off its hinges and Baze and Cate stumbled in.

Cate screamed at the sight of Lux's body, instantly dropping to her knees beside her. "Lux!" She began to cry as Baze stood frozen, both as pale as each other. "Help me!" Cate screamed at Baze as she felt for a pulse, crying harder when she felt a very weak one. "Call 911!"

Baze broke back to reality at Cate's order, grabbing his phone and calling as he watched Cate with Lux.

"Lux?" Cate whispered, leaning close to her face and shaking her head gently. "Lux. Baby, wake up. Lux? Come on, sweetie. Open your eyes. Lux. You can't leave me, baby."

Cate sobbed agonizingly, gathering Lux's limp body in her arms and hugging her close as Baze stood frozen, not knowing what to do.

"I can't lose you again."

**A/N: So first two chapters are up! Let me know if you like it. If you do, I'll continue... Well I'd probably continue anyway but still... please review :)**


	3. Angels Flying Too Close To The Ground

**A/N: So I'm trying to decide whether or not to kill Lux off hence the fact why I made Cate a total druggie... hmm... Anyway, like I said in Can't Go Back Now, I will vote 100 times in E! Online's SOS for every review I get on any of my LUX stories so please review! **

**Chapter 3- Angels Flying Too Close To The Ground**

It took five minutes for Lux's heart to stop, and eight minutes for the ambulance to arrive.

"Move aside, ma'am." Cate was pushed back from Lux's body and Baze struggled to hold her back as the paramedics took over, intubating Lux and attaching an IV. "What's her name?"

Cate and Baze stood back, Cate's heart-wrenching cries filling the room. "I-uh-Lux. Lux Cassidy." Baze stumbled over his words, trying to swallow the lump in his throat.

One of the paramedics, Michael, held a flashlight in front of Lux's eyes as he held them open. "Lux? Can you hear me? Follow the light with your eyes if you can hear me." He put the flashlight back in his pocket. "Pupils non responsive. How long has she been unconscious?"

"I-uh-I don't know. About 10 minutes." Baze stuttered, his eyes not drifting from his unconscious daughter.

The other paramedic, Jim, lifted the bottle and read it as Michael continued to bag Lux. "Secobarbital. How full was the bottle?"

Baze looked at Cate, waiting for her to answer. Cate stood still, staring at Lux, her tears still streaming down her pale face. "I refilled it yesterday." She answered in a monotone.

"Did she take anything else? Any alcohol? Aspirin?"

Cate shook her head no, her eyes not drifting from Lux as they lifted her onto the awaiting gurney.

"Does she have any medical conditions? Allergies?"

Again, Cate shook her head. "I-uh, I don't know."

Cate gripped Lux's hand tightly as she ran alongside the gurney, Baze on beside her as the paramedics pushed Lux out to the ambulance and loaded her in.

"Go." Baze ordered as he kissed Cate's forehead. "I'll meet you at the hospital."

Baze pushed Cate into the ambulance, and Cate glanced back at him before shakily taking Lux's hand again and brushing her hair back as she sat.

Cate could barely process anything as the ambulance sped through the heavy evening traffic and Michael sat checking Lux's stats, talking to both Cate and into the walkie-talkie.

"How old is she?" Cate tore her attention back to Michael.

"Uh, 16."

Michael repeated the information into the walkie-talkie. "Sixteen year old female. Approximately 100 pounds. Overdosed on secobarbital. BP 60/40. Pulse 34. Intubated on 100% oxygen. Pupils non-reactive. No response. Unconscious approximately 15 minutes."

The person on the other end responded, but Cate wasn't listening. "Wake up, baby. Please wake up." She whispered, stroking back Lux's hair and kissing her sweaty forehead.

Lux was pulled away from Cate the second the ambulance pulled to a stop, doctors and nurses surrounding her. "Lux Cassidy. Sixteen. Severe Secobarbital overdose.

"Get a blood gas and 50gms of activated charcoal." One of the doctors took over, making orders as he pushed Lux down the hallway through to the emergency trauma room.

Cate pushed open the trauma room doors, walking in catatonically. "Are you a relative?"

"I-I'm her mother." Cate didn't turn her attention from Lux.

Cate watched as the doctors took out the temporary intubation tube, replacing it with a smaller tube, black liquid flowing through it. Seconds later, Lux was coughing, almost choking, and vomiting into the awaiting bowl though she didn't regain consciousness.

"Cate!" Cate turned at the voice and was automatically engulfed in Baze's arms. She immediately broke down crying, agonizing sobs covering the sound of the doctors talking.

"Ma'am?" A few minutes later Cate pulled out of Baze's arms and turned to the two police officers and doctor who had clearly come to talk to them. "Are you the parents of Lux Cassidy?"

Baze nodded, neither of them able to talk. "Lux is suffering the effects of a severe secobarbital overdose. We've given her activated charcoal as a way to cleanse the drugs out of her system. But as of just now, we are unable to tell the long term effects of the drug."

Cate began to cry again, covering her mouth with her hand. "But... she's going to wake up, right? I mean she has to. I can't lose her." She sobbed.

The doctor looked at her sympathetically. "I'm sorry. We should know within a couple of days but with overdoses of this degree, it's impossible to tell."

Cate sobbed into Baze's chest and as hard as he tried to stop himself, Baze was soon crying to.

"Sir?" One of the policemen spoke up after a few minutes. "We'd like the two of you to come with us please."

Baze wrapped an arm around Cate and she gripped his waist tightly as they followed the officers into a private room, Baze helping Cate to sit before taking his own seat.

Cate shakily gripped Baze's hand tightly, not paying attention to the officers in front of her as she stared into space.

"My name is Officer Delfino and this is my partner, Officer Johnson. We're here to talk about your daughter."

Baze nodded, trying to keep himself in the moment. "I-uh, Nate Bazile." His voice was croaky. "This is Cate Cassidy."

"You're the parents of Lux Cassidy?" Officer Johnson asked as he wrote. Baze nodded, squeezing Cate's hand tightly. "We understand Lux took an overdose of prescription secobarbital pills. Do you know where she got them from?"

Cate looked up, clearing her throat. "They-uh, they're mine. I have trouble sleeping. I just refilled the prescription." Her eyes widened as if she was coming to a conclusion. "Oh my god. This is all my fault. They were my pills, I was shouting at her. Oh my god." She whispered, covering her mouth and gagging slightly. "I'm going to be sick."

Baze and the officers jumped into action, Officer Delfino grabbing a trash can and handing it to Cate just as she empty her stomach. Baze bent down next to her, rubbing her back until she sat back up.

Officer Johnson left the room to hand the trashcan to a nurse before coming back in with a bottle of water for Cate. After a few minutes, Officer Johnson spoke up again. "Now you said you were shouting at your daughter. Could I ask what about?"

Cate stared ahead wide eyed. "She- uh, she got a bad grade and I overreacted." Baze squeezed her hand tightly.

The officers continued to write and question them for another hour until Cate couldn't take it anymore and she stood up, walking out of the room without a word.

Baze and the officers followed quickly and Baze wrapped her in a hug in order to stop her path. "I want to see her." Cate whispered into his chest, her fresh tears soaking his shirt. "I _need_ to see her."

"Okay." Baze answered simply, holding Cate tightly as he lead her down the hallway and back into the trauma room.

The nurse looked up at the sympathetically, checking Lux's vitals before walking to the door. "I'll leave you alone. Someone from the PICU will be here to move her soon."

Cate broke away from Baze at the end of the bed, both staring at their daughter. Lux was deathly pale and had dried black liquid around her mouth where a new intubation tube now sat. The sound of the machines was terrifying to them, and both Cate and Baze couldn't stop the new tears running down both of their cheeks.

Slowly Cate drifted to the side of the bed, gently taking Lux's hand in her own. She shakily stroked back Lux's hair from her forehead, and held a kiss to Lux's limp hand.

Baze moved to Lux's other side, pulling up a chair and taking her other hand. Cate bent over, placing a kiss to Lux's forehead as she lost control, sobbing uncontrollably.

Baze moved quickly, catching Cate just as her knees gave out and guiding her to the floor, both parents crying and blaming themselves as their daughter lay unconscious beside them.


	4. Yeah Allright

**A/N: Oh my god I am so sorry it has taken me this long to update! I hit a writer's block, but this chapter got me over it so updates should be coming a lot more frequent! I'm sorry about the blandness of this chapter, but I promise it'll get better! I'm trying to decide how I want Cate and Baze to handle the situation- whether they're angry, or over-protective, or loving, or a mixture- so if you have any ideas, let me know and please review :)**

**Chapter 4- Yeah Allright**

It had been three days since Lux had overdosed and neither Cate nor Baze had left her bedside. The doctors had run constant tests upon Cate and Baze's requests, each time assuring them that there didn't appear to be any permanent damage, but they wouldn't know for sure until Lux woke up.

Baze was asleep in a chair beside Lux's bed while Cate sat tiredly on the other side, watching Lux sleep, her hand gripping Lux's tightly.

Cate froze and sat up, looking down at Lux's hand as it squeezed her own. "Lux?" Cate's voice was choked with tears as she stood up quickly.

Lux was awake; groggy but at least conscious, and Cate could tell she was more than freaked out. "Hi, sweetie." Cate whispered, brushing back Lux's hair from her face and kissing her cheek, not caring as her tears poured onto Lux. "You're okay."

Lux looked around the room confused, trying to sit up and pulling at the oxygen tube that lead into her nose. Cate sprung into action, grabbing her hands gently and pulling them away before pressing the call button. "Baze." Cate called to him, waking him.

Baze was awake and by Lux's side instantly, his eyes filling with relieved tears. "Hey, kiddo..."

The room filled with two nurses and Lux's doctor, and they pushed Cate and Baze away from Lux so that they could check her over. Cate gripped Baze's hand as they watched, both letting out a breath they hadn't realized they had been holding.

"How are you feeling, Lux?" The doctor asked after checking her over.

Lux looked confused and groggy, and she took a few minutes before replying. "Water?" She whispered, her throat completely dry.

Cate was first to react and she sat on the edge of Lux's bed, cup with a straw in her hand as she helped Lux to sip it. Lux took a few sips before falling back onto the bed exhausted, struggling to keep her eyes open. "I'm tired." She whispered in response to the doctor.

The doctor nodded, looking down at Lux. "That's understandable with the amount of barbiturates you consumed. I'm going to ask you a few questions and I want you to try and answer them, okay?" Lux nodded slightly and the doctor continued. "Do you know your name?"

"Lux Cassidy." Lux's voice was barely audible, and Cate grabbed her hand as she sat in the chair next to the bed, Baze on the arm rest.

"Do you know what year it is?" The doctor continued to question her as he wrote things down; each time Lux answered correctly. "Your motor and nerve responses appear to be intact. We'll have to run a few tests to see if there was any long-term damage but you appear to be a very lucky girl, Lux. I'll be back in later to check on you."

Cate and Baze waited until the doctor had left the room before they approached Lux, sitting on either side of her as Cate gripped her hand and Baze stroked back her hair. "Hey..."

"Hey." Lux whispered showing no emotion as she avoided her parents gazes.

Baze smiled at her nervously, brushing back her hair. "You scared the hell out of us, kiddo."

"I'm sorry." She whispered after a few moments of silence. Her voice was monotone and she didn't make eye contact, though Cate didn't notice. Baze, however, did.

Cate felt herself crying harder but she forced a watery smile and leant forward, holding a kiss to Lux's forehead and whispering. "It's okay. You're okay now. You're going to be okay."

Lux forced a tight smile, a silence filling the room. No one knew what to say or how to act. Cate was clearly happy that Lux was awake, though there was something underlying that neither Baze nor Lux could put their fingers on. Baze was torn. On one side, he was obviously just as relieved as Cate, though on the other, he wasn't sure if he was furious or scared to death that Lux had even attempted it. And Lux... well, Lux was just trying to process things.

"Do you want anything? Water? Juice?" Cate stood up suddenly and it was clear she was struggling to maintain her composure. "You should probably eat. Are you hungry? I'll go get you something."

Seconds later Cate threw open the door to Lux's room and barely made it outside before she broke down in sobs, sliding down to the floor and leaning against the wall. She had no idea how to do this. How to be there for her daughter... her daughter who had just tried to end her _own_ life.

Lux frowned involuntarily as she watched Cate rush out of the room, feeling overcome with guilt. "She's just trying to figure everything out, Lux." Baze's voice held both concern and disappointment though he forced a reassuring smile at Lux. "Do you want to talk?"

Lux shook her head and Baze sighed, standing up. "Okay. But you're going to have to talk sometime. I'm going to check on your mom quickly, okay?"

Lux nodded, closing her eyes as they filled with tears and allowing Baze to kiss her head. "I love you, kid." He whispered. "Don't ever scare us like that again."

Lux watched as Baze exited the room, breaking down the second he did. She felt so guilty for causing her parents pain, but to be honest, she wasn't sorry for what she did. What she still felt like doing. The only thing she was sorry for, besides the pain her mom and dad were obviously in, was that it didn't work.

"Cate?" Baze slowly approached the cafeteria table Cate was sitting at. She was hunched over with her head in her hands, but looked up at Baze tiredly as he approached.

Baze pulled a chair over and sat by her side, Cate instantly leaning her head on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around her. "What are we going to do?" Cate whispered after a few seconds.

Baze shrugged slightly, rubbing his hand up and down Cate's arm soothingly. "I don't know."

"Do you think it was us?" Cate sat up straight, looking at him terrified. "We moved too fast. She only just found us, and everything happened so fast, and I asked you to move in." Cate continued to ramble despite Baze's attempts to stop her. "First the adoption then everything with Ryan... oh my god. Ryan. What am I going to tell him? And our families?"

Baze placed a hand on Cate's shoulder before she could begin talking again. "Ryan doesn't need to know. No one does. It's a family matter, and Lux should be the one who decides who should know."

Cate nodded slowly, realizing this was true. She shifted off of the chair and onto Baze's lap, wrapping her arms around him as if he was a lifeline.

Baze cupped the back of her head as he kissed it, stroking her hair. He pulled away after a few minutes, shuffling out under Cate and holding his hand out to her as he stood. Cate took it and allowed Baze to pull her towards him, kissing the top of her head as they headed back to Lux's room.


	5. Weight Of The World

**Chapter 5- Weight Of The World**

Cate and Lux sat in an awkward silence in Lux's room, both "watching" the TV as some crappy soap opera played. Lux had been awake for two days now, and Cate had refused to leave hospital despite the doctors assurances that she was under a 72 hour suicide watch. Baze had headed home, but only after he was no longer able to handle Lux's reluctance to talk, or the fact that Cate wasn't making her.

Both Cate and Lux looked up when the door opened, and Cate turned off the TV as the new arrival smiled at them. "Hello, Lux, Ms. Cassidy. My name is Dr. Hendricks. I'm a psychologist here. If it's okay with you Lux, I'd like to have a talk."

Lux shrugged slightly and nodded. "Okay." She spoke, her voice monotone.

Cate, however, looked more reluctant and Dr. Hendricks noticed. "If all goes well, Lux should be released tomorrow. You might like to go home and get her a change of clothes?"

It was more of a suggestion than a question and Cate thought for a minute before reluctantly nodding. "If you're sure you're going to be okay?" Cate asked, gently tucking a piece of Lux's hair behind her ears.

Lux nodded and forced a smile, squeezing Cate's hand gently for reassurance. "I'll be fine." She whispered.

Cate hesitated but eventually stood up and hugged Lux, relieved when Lux gently returned the hug. "I love you." Cate whispered and Lux nodded in return.

Dr. Hendricks took a seat in the chair Cate had vacated once Cate was out of the room, and smiled at Lux kindly, a clipboard in her lap. "So Lux, how are you feeling?"

Lux rolled her eyes at the question but shrugged in response. "I'm great." She said sarcastically.

Dr. Hendricks smiled understandably. "I bet you're tired of everyone asking you that, huh?"

"How'd you guess?" Lux's demeanor remained defensive, but she found herself hating the woman a little less.

Dr. Hendricks smiled, continuing. "I'm not going to pretend that I know how you're feeling right now, and I know that it must be hard to talk about it, but attempting to take your own life is extremely serious, and I just want to help." She paused. "Could you tell me how you were feeling before you took the pills?"

Lux shrugged uncomfortably, her eyes filling with tears as she looked down and played with her bed covers. "I don't know." Her voice cracked as she whispered. "Nothing. I was just really tired."

Dr. Hendricks nodded sympathetically. "How long have you been feeling tired for?"

"I don't know." Again Lux's voice broke and she shrugged. "A few weeks."

Again Dr. Hendricks nodded and wrote something down quickly. "Lux, the other night when you overdosed, was there something specifically that made you want to end your life?"

Lux didn't answer, and they sat in silence for a few minutes before Dr. Hendricks spoke again.

"Lux, do you know how close you were to actually killing yourself the other day?" Her voice was kind, yet serious.

Lux continued to remain silent as she looked at her hands, unsure of how to respond or feel.

"If your parents hadn't found you when they did, you would most likely be dead, or at least brain dead by now." Dr. Hendricks paused, watching Lux for any sort of reaction. "Lux, I want you to answer something honestly okay? Did you honestly want to kill yourself the other day?"

A tear slipped down Lux's cheek but she swiped it away quickly. Dr. Hendricks, however, smiled slightly at the reaction. If Lux was crying, that meant that she at least felt some sort of emotion. "No." Lux finally whispered after a few minutes of silence. "It just hurt. Everything hurts."

"Good." Lux looked up, both confused and slightly angry to find Dr. Hendricks smiling at her. "That's good if you're feeling something. And the fact that you admitted that you didn't want to die means that, if you'll let me, I can help you to feel better."

Lux nodded slowly, accepting this.

"Lux, I understand you've had a tough childhood. Could you tell me a little about that?"

"It's in my file. Why can't you just read that?"

Dr. Hendricks smiled gently at her, her tone kind yet stern. "I'd like you to tell me yourself."

Lux rolled her eyes, looking away and pretending it didn't matter. "My parents gave me up at birth. I hung around foster homes for most of my life."

"I bet that must have been hard."

Again Lux rolled her eyes. "You get used to it."

Dr. Hendricks ignored the comment, continuing. "But you live with your biological parents now?"

Lux nodded, her eyes lighting up a little as she looked up. "Cate and Baze. They adopted me a couple of weeks ago."

Dr. Hendricks smiled, nodding. "Do you like living with Cate and Baze?"

Lux smiled slightly and nodded. "I've waited sixteen for parents. Even if they weren't great, which they are by the way, they're better than having none at all."

"So you like having Cate and Baze as parents?"

Her question earned another eye roll from Lux but she nodded nonetheless. "I love it. I love them."

Dr. Hendricks nodded understandably, smiling slightly before looking down at her notepad. "Cate said something about someone named Ryan?" Lux visibly froze at Ryan's name, looking up. "Who's he?"

"He-uh, he was Cate's fiancé. They broke up when Cate and Baze got together. H-he left." Lux choked on her words, looking around the room and avoiding Dr. Hendricks' eye contact.

"Were you and Ryan close?"

Lux shrugged, her eyes filling with tears as she fiddled with a loose thread on her bed covering. "I guess."

"You must have been sad to see him leave then. Do you still keep in contact?"

"We did." Lux's voice held a slight tinge of anger. "Like I said, he left."

Dr. Hendricks nodded, leaning forward slightly and looking at Lux sympathetically. "That must have been difficult for you. When did he leave?"

Lux hesitated before answering, her voice barely audible. "The same day."

Dr. Hendricks knew what she meant, and looked slightly surprised at the new information. "Lux, do you think Ryan leaving had anything to do with you trying to end your life?"

As hard as she tried to stop them, Lux's barrier broke and tears began to run down her face, Lux swiping at them furiously. "Everyone in my life leaves me. It's not new. Why should this time be any different?" She asked, her tone sarcastic but Dr. Hendricks could tell that the statement was filled with pain.

Dr. Hendricks paused before responding, trying to determine the best way to respond without making Lux furious or upset. "Lux, I know that you must have been through a lot in your life time, and I know that it hurts when people leave. But I'm sure that Ryan never meant to hurt you, just like your parents never meant to hurt you when they gave you up. I can't even begin to understand your pain, but you have to understand that you have people in your life now who love you, and who are always going to be there for you."

Lux slowly nodded, her tears continuing through she didn't look angry or more upset. "I know." She whispered after a few minutes. "I never meant to hurt them."

Dr. Hendricks nodded understandably. "I know, and I'm sure they know that too." She paused, watching Lux as she decided how to proceed. "Lux, I'm going to ask you a few questions, okay? And I want you to answer them honestly. I promise that I won't judge you, and that your parents won't judge you." Lux nodded, signaling for her to continue. "Do you feel like you are going to hurt yourself again?"

Lux shook her head, biting her lip. "No." She mumbled, causing Dr. Hendricks to raise an eyebrow. "I don't want to."

"Okay." Dr. Hendricks accepted the answer, moving on. "Do you want to stay in the hospital where you can have a little more time to get better, or do you think you are okay to go home?"

Lux didn't answer, thinking. She wanted nothing more than to go home, to sleep in her own bed and to be able to do what she wanted, but the concept also scared the hell out of her. "I want to go home." She eventually whispered.

"Are you sure? If you're worried about your parents, I can talk to them."

Lux shook her head, nodding to reassure herself. "No. I'm okay. I want to go home."

"Okay." Dr. Hendricks nodded, smiling slightly. "I'm going to give you my number, as well as the number for a 24 hour hotline, okay? If you ever feel like hurting yourself again, I want you to call me or the hotline if you feel like you can't talk to your mom or dad, okay?"

Lux nodded, taking the cards as Dr. Hendricks held them out to her. "Is there anything else you want to talk to me about, Lux?"

Lux shook her head, smiling slightly. Dr. Hendricks smiled kindly and stood up. "Well it was nice to meet you, Lux. And remember, if you ever need any help or if you just want to talk, I want you to call me, okay?"

Lux nodded. "Thanks." She whispered and Dr. Hendricks smiled in response before leaving the room.

Lux sighed, laying back on the bed tiredly. She felt better; not a whole lot, but at least it was something. Her thoughts ran over the conversation, wondering if Dr. Hendricks was going to talk to Cate and Baze. Knowing Cate, she would probably force it out of her. Lux smiled slightly, thinking about her. What she had said was true. At least about Cate and Baze. She did love living with them; she did love them. And Dr. Hendricks was right; they weren't going to leave her. The adoption proved that.

Lux sat up suddenly, her thoughts instantly going to that same conversation she had had with Ryan in the park following the evaluation with Fern. _Ryan_, Lux thought, grabbing the phone off of the bedside table and dialing the number she had learnt by heart.

"_Hello?_"

"Ryan." Lux breathed, her tears instantly starting again.

"_Lux?_"

Lux nodded, despite the fact that she knew Ryan couldn't see it. "Come home." She whispered, her voice cracking.


	6. Ever Present Past

**A/N: I'm so sorry it's been forever since I last updated! Like I said in I Ain't Gonna Lose You and Can't Go Back Now, my parents suck and took away my laptop. But I'm back! And I promise to update as soon as I can!**

**Also, Baze may seem like a douche for a chapter or two, but I'm writing him that way on purpose. I see him as holding back his feelings and instead being angry at Lux for what she did, while Cate is the overprotective parent.**

**Oh, and Lux and Ryan's conversation from the last chapter plus flashbacks will be in bold italics. And just so you know, this story is going to get darker before it gets happier... WARNING: Contains self harm**

**Anyway, hope this was worth the wait and please review :)**

**Chapter 6- Ever Present Past**

Cate tore her attention from Lux to open the front door, pushing it open before placing a hand on Lux's back and leading the silent girl inside. Lux had lost a lot of weight off of her already skinny body, and the bags under her eyes, her pale skin and her general demeanor made her look like she could break at any moment.

Cate led Lux into the foyer and smiled at her reassuringly as Baze followed with Lux's bags, placing them on the floor. "Are you hungry? Do you want a drink or something?" Cate asked gently after a minutes silence.

Lux didn't hear her, let alone answer. She was exhausted, but she didn't want to worry her parents anymore than she already had. The doctors had released her that afternoon and the awkward silence between the family had only increased.

_**"Lux?"**_

_**Lux nodded, despite the fact that she knew Ryan couldn't see it. "Come home." She whispered, her voice cracking.**_

_**"Are you okay?" Ryan sounded generally concerned, and Lux couldn't help but feel guilty. It was bad enough she was putting her parents through this; she couldn't include Ryan too. "Lux?"**_

_**Lux shook her head and drew in a deep breath, composing herself enough to reply. "I miss you." Lux finally whispered. At least it wasn't a complete lie.**_

_**"I miss you too, kid." Lux could basically hear Ryan smiling on the other end and she couldn't help but feel stupid. But he couldn't know the truth. "How are you doing?"**_

_**Lux bit her lip, her chin quivering. "I'm okay." She whispered, barely able to keep her voice from breaking.**_

_**"I'm going to come visit soon, okay? You and I can hang out."**_

_**"Okay." Lux whispered, nodding to herself.**_

_**Ryan clearly didn't pick up on Lux's tone as he replied happily. "Great. Listen Lux, I've got to go, but I'll call you soon okay?" Lux nodded and Ryan didn't wait for a reply before hanging. "Bye."**_

_**Lux stared at the phone speechless, her eyes filling with tears. She should have known Ryan would forget about her. He was lying when he said he would always be there for her. Why would he be? He had a new life, and Lux was just another reminder of the pain in his past. He had no reason to pretend to like her anymore.**_

"Huh?" Lux was torn out from her thoughts by Cate's hand on her shoulder and she jumped slightly, instinctively flinching.

Cate and Baze exchanged a quick concerned glance, Cate answering. "I asked if you wanted anything?"

Lux forced a small smile and shook her head no. They remained in an awkward silence for few moments before Lux cleared her throat. "Right... Well, I'm going to use the bathroom." She said awkwardly, almost as if she was asking for permission.

Cate nodded and smiled reassuringly, both her and Baze following further into the house.

Lux walked into the bathroom leaving her parents in the foyer, but turned around and came out seconds later.

"There's no door." Lux signaled to the bathroom, and sure enough, the door Baze had kicked in was gone with no replacement.

Both Cate and Baze shifted awkwardly before Baze cleared his throat, speaking up. "Yeah, uh, we're actually going to wait a while to fix that..." He trailed off, rubbing his head.

Lux raised an eyebrow, a mixture of confusion and anger overcoming her as she came to a realization. "And I'm expected to shower, how?"

"We set up a shower curtain." Cate offered, referring to the white shower curtain hanging around the glass shower curtain.

"This is ridiculous." Lux rolled her eyes, moving towards the attic stairs. "I'm tired. I'm going to lie down."

Cate moved quickly, blocking Lux from going up the stairs. "Uh, actually, Lux, we'd like for you to stay down here for a few days."

Lux stood speechless for a few seconds, frustration building up inside of her. "You've got to be kidding me!" She finally yelled, throwing her arms out frustrated. "Is there anything I_ can_ do?" Her tone was sarcastic; almost mocking.

Baze rolled his eyes and Lux noticed, instantly hurt. "Don't be ridiculous, Lux." It was clear Baze had given up holding back his annoyance, though the fear was strong in his voice. "You can talk to us, and you can try to earn back our trust. Until then, you're not leaving our site."

Cate and Lux watched as he walked past them and into the kitchen, neither knowing what to say. "You can stay our room." Cate finally offered, breaking the silence. "Baze will take the couch."

Lux stood herself from arguing, too exhausted. "Fine." She finally sighed.

Lux picked up the bag Baze and brought in and carried it into Cate's room, closing the bedroom door behind her. It was opened again seconds later to reveal Cate in the threshold.

"The door stays open." Cate said simply.

"That's not fair!" Lux close to shouted, suddenly finding her energy as a mixture of frustration and anxiety overcame her. "So what? Now I can't have any privacy?"

"To be honest, Lux, no you can't. We're your parents. It's our job to keep an eye on you and make sure you're safe. You already tried to kill yourself. I'm sure as hell not going to let you succeed."

"I didn't try to kill myself." Lux's tone was low once again as she mumbled, crossing her arms across herself protectively.

Cate's eyes filled with tears as she looked at Lux in disbelief. "Then what, Lux? You just decided to down a bottle of sleeping pills for the hell of it."

"No..."

"So talk to me." Cate moved forward, trying to reach for Lux's hand but not surprised when Lux pulled away. "Help me understand."

Lux felt herself choking up and it took all she could not to break down and let her mom rock her and tell her everything would be okay. But it wouldn't. It would never be okay. And more than anything, Lux just wanted; no, she _needed_: an escape.

"I can't." Lux whispered, avoiding Cate's eyes as she knew the second she looked up, her walls would crash. "I'm tired. Can you go?"

Cate sighed, knowing Lux wasn't ready or willing to talk to her yet. "You can have the door closed when you're changing, but besides that, I want it open."

Cate barely turned around before the door slammed shut and Lux shouted back angrily in response. "I'm changing!"

Cate felt the all-too familiar feeling of her eyes filling with tears as she slowly made her way to the kitchen. Baze had her back to her, hunched over his coffee as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

Cate's attempt to stifle a sob broke him out of it though, and he turned towards her, slowly pulling her into his arms and kissing her head as she cried into his chest.

Lux's silent crying joined Cate's sobs the second she had slammed the door. She said slowly on the edge of Cate's bed, glad that the curtains were drawn. Guilt overwhelmed her as she listened to her mom cry. She didn't want to hurt Cate; she didn't want to hurt either of her parents, but she knew her underlying reason for what she did would hurt them even more and she couldn't let that happen.

As if in a daze, Lux opened her bag and rifled through it until she found her toiletries bag. She opened it easily and spotted what she was looking for instantly. It was surprising that it was still there; after all, what informed parent allows their suicidal kid access to a razor? But in Baze's defense, she knew he would never go through her bag, because unlike Cate, he had some idea about what the word 'privacy' meant.

Lux flipped the razor between her fingers a few times before slowly pulling her jeans down to her knees and lifting up her top. Her pale skin was littered with scars ranging in color, size, shape and healing process. Mainly there were just long slits, though when she was younger, she used to like to checkerboard as well. Her inner thighs were the worst. Deep carvings ran from the middle of her thigh to as high as they could go. Whore. Slut. Dirty. His. All still red and inflamed, though well into the healing process.

Bug was the only one who knew about those ones. Tasha knew she cut, but Lux had managed to convince her that she had stopped when she moved in with Cate. She hadn't though; the cutting had just become a lot less frequent.

Lux didn't even process that she had cut until she felt the red liquid run down her hand. "Shit." Lux swore quietly as she quickly searched for something to stop the bleeding. Usually she was in the shower, and she could just watch the blood flow down the drain as it slowed on its own.

Finally Lux grabbed an already dirty top from her bag and held it against her thigh. Sure enough, the bleeding began to slow before eventually stopping. Lux made sure it was fully finished bleeding before she changed into her sweatpants and a hoody.

The cut burned but Lux was too tired to truly notice. Instead, she quickly hid the now blood-covered top in the bottom of her bag before pulling back the covers. She went to climb in, but stopped herself, making her way over to the door and opening it slightly. She figured she had caused Cate and Baze enough grief over the last few days; it wouldn't kill her to at least humor them.

Her eyes closed the second her head hit the pillow and she breathed in deeply. She had to admit, she wasn't angry about spending a few nights in her mom's bed. It was warm, and it smelled like her parents. Plus, it was reassuring to know that there would be someone there to protect her when he came. He always came.


	7. I Want Something That I Want

**Chapter 7- I Want Something That I Want**

Lux sprung up in the bed, panting heavily with a scream stifled in her throat. She slowly caught her breath and couldn't help but feel at least a little bit grateful that Cate was a heavy sleeper.

Lux pulled herself out of the bed and trudged into the bathroom, frustration overcoming her when she remembered the lack of privacy her parents had instated. It was ridiculous, and despite the fact that she knew where they were coming from with wanting to keep an eye on her, it was just going to put her in a worse mood than she was already in.

Lux groaned in frustration as she tried to figure out a way to get some privacy. After a few minutes, she realized that wasn't going to happen so she grabbed a bag, filled it with a change of clothes and grabbed Baze's keys before writing note for her parents and sneaking out of the house.

Lux hesitated before climbing into the driver's seat of Baze's jeep. She knew her parents would be furious if they realized she had left, let alone driven without permission or her license, but her frustration got in the way of rational thinking as she started the car and pulled away from the curb.

Lux pulled to a stop in front of the bar ten minutes later and headed inside, stopping at the entrance when she saw there were still drunk customers and Jamie there playing beer pong.

"Lux!" Jamie slurred, holding up his hands drunkenly to greet her.

"Hey." Lux smirked slightly, slinging the bag over her shoulder and weaving her way through the people. When she actually thought about it, it wasn't crazy that there were still people in the bar. It was, after all, only a little before 4am. "Working hard I see."

Jamie processed the comment slowly, trying to come up with a response before he frowned. "Baze is at Cate's. Why are you here?"

Lux shrugged, figuring the alcohol in his system would make anything believable. "He dropped me off then ran to the store. He'll be back soon."

Jamie shrugged, clearly accepting the answer as he went back to the game, fresh beers in hand.

Lux walked up to the loft and throw her bag in her room, raiding the fridge for a bottle of water before she headed to the bathroom quietly.

As ridiculous as it was, Lux couldn't help but cheer up as she closed the bathroom door behind herself and turned on the shower. She glanced down at top and sweatpants she had slept in and carefully pealed them off herself, wincing as the dried blood came off too.

Lux had no idea how long she showered but the second she heard banging on the door, she groaned and prepared herself for yet another lecture.

"Hold on!" She basically shouted, realizing it was easier than having Baze kick in another door.

Lux emerged a few minutes later, fully dressed, yet surprised to see only Baze standing by the door. "Hi." Lux's tone held no amusement; no emotion in general.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Lux couldn't tell whether Baze was pissed, worried or both.

Lux shrugged, walking past Baze and collapsing on the couch. She honestly didn't remember it being that much effort to take a shower.

"You took my car without my permission, drove across town and just let yourself into my place?" Baze was reeling; the second he noticed Lux was gone, he could have sworn his heart stopped. When he found the note saying she had gone to his place and that his keys were gone, he was furious. He had, however, let Cate sleep and decided he could handle the situation by himself. Clearly he was wrong as he decided how to act.

Lux rolled her eyes, leaning her head back on the couch. "You know, I thought me being your kid kind of made it my stuff too."

"Get in the car." Baze literally had to stop himself from saying what he really wanted to.

Lux mumbled something before pulling herself off the couch and trudging to Cate's car, Baze clearly having driven it over.

The drive back to Cate's was completely silent, although neither made any movement to get out of the car once they were parked.

"Did you tell Cate?" Lux broke the silence, fiddling nervously with the strap on her bag.

Baze sighed, running a hand through his hair as she shook his head. "No. She deserves a break."

Lux opened her mouth to reply, suddenly feeling guilty, but closed it again when she realized she didn't know what to say. Instead she turned to face Baze and forced a small smile. "Thanks." She whispered.

Baze nodded, meeting Lux's glance. She could tell he hadn't slept much. His eyes were bloodshot and he had bags under his eyes. "You've got to stop doing this, Lux." Baze's voice was serious, almost pained. "It's not fair on your mom, on me."

"I know." Lux mumbled, suddenly very entertained by the window seal.

"You scared the hell out of me, Lux." Lux looked up as Baze's voice cracked, surprised to see tears in his eyes. "Your my kid, and I'm trying to understand what you're going through, we both are, but we can't do that unless you let us in."

Lux nodded slowly, more to herself than to Baze. She looked up at him after a few minutes and forced a small smile. Baze sighed, returning it and placing a hand on her head affectionately before they both got out of the car and walked inside.

Lux could have sworn the day was deliberately taking longer than usual. She had spent the entire day camped out on the couch, bored out of her mind. True to his word, Baze hadn't said anything to Cate about Lux's morning expedition, although Cate had spent the entire day watching over Lux like a hawk nonetheless.

Lux sprung up from the couch when the doorbell rang and basically raced to answer it, instantly regretting it when she did.

"Hi." Lux's tone was confused yet monotone at the same time. She crossed her arms across her chest protectively, eyeing Jones suspiciously. "What are you doing here?"

Jones shrugged, smiling nervously. "Your mom called and told me what happened. I wanted to see how you were."

"I'm fine." Lux answered without a pause.

Jones nodded, not sure what else to say. "Great..." He turned to leave, not sure what else to do. "Well I just wanted to check. I guess I'll see you at school."

Lux watched as he turned to walk towards his car, speaking up before she could stop herself. "Why'd you come?"

Jones turned back towards her, shrugging. "I don't know. We're friends. Your mom told me what you did. I wanted to see how you were doing."

"Why?" Lux was generally curious; torn between relief and anger. "You haven't talked to me in weeks."

"I guess I want to change that." Once again Jones shrugged, looking at her sheepishly. "Look I know I wasn't the greatest friend, but to be fair, you kind of ditch me for another guy. It sucked."

Lux didn't know how to respond, so she simply nodded. Jones smiled at her apologetically. "Well, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here." He offered simply before getting into his car and driving off.

Lux couldn't hide a small smile as she thought over his words before walking back inside and closing the front door.

"Who was at the door?" Cate asked casually, though Lux knew she would have eavesdropped the entire conversation.

Lux shrugged, walking past Cate and into the kitchen. "Jones. But you already knew that."

"So what did he say?"

Lux rolled her eyes, walking back to the couch with Cate following close behind. "You were listening, you tell me."

Cate sighed, sitting on the coffee table opposite Lux. "Well if you wanted to do something with him for a few hours, get out of the house, you know, you could."

Lux looked up at Cate, once again finding herself frustrated. "So let me get this straight- you'll let me hang out with a teenage boy, the quarter back nonetheless, alone for a few hours, yet you won't let me be alone by myself?"

"Lux..."

Lux rolled her eyes and stuck her iPod back in, not even bothering to hear Cate out.

**A/N: So next chapter, Lux shall talk! Hooray! Anyhow, I'm sorry I've been so crappy at updating lately. School went back and it's been **_**insane**_**!**


	8. I Will Follow You Into The Dark

**A/N: Sorry this has taken FOREVER! I got stuck... Anyhow, I'm kind of hoping this chapter will draw ellsbells10 and XtremeLUXfan out of hiding because I miss their updates and reviews! Hint hint... ;) Plus the fact that this is the only way I can contact them. That is, if they're still reading this! So ellsbells10 and XtemeLUXfan, if you're still out there, please drop me a review or disable the thing that keeps people from sending you guys private messages! Seriously, I've tried like every way I can think of to contact you! :)**

**And for the rest of you absolutely amazing readers, I made this chapter super long (and warning: heavy on the angst) with flashbacks included! Hope you enjoy! :)**

**Chapter 8- I Will Follow You Into The Dark**

Like the past few days, Cate woke to the image of Lux unconscious on the bathroom door, a scream stifled in her throat. She clutched her chest with one hand as she tried to catch her breath, glancing confused at her other motionless arm; surprised when she saw Lux curled up beside her.

Lux rarely sort out affection, and when she did, it was hardly ever from Cate. Especially lately. Cate didn't think Lux had muttered more than 50 words to her over the past couple of days, and when she did talk, they were sarcastic, angry remarks.

Cate couldn't really blame her. She and Baze hadn't taken their eyes off of Lux for more than ten minutes at a time since she had been admitted to hospital, and the lack of privacy was enough to drive anyone crazy, let alone someone as reserved as Lux.

Cate gently untangled Lux's death grip around her arm and carefully crawled out of bed, careful not to wake the sleeping teenager. She made her way out to the kitchen, surprised to see Baze already there.

"Morning." He smiled tiredly at her and Cate shuffled closer, leaning against him as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. "Where's Lux?"

Cate pulled away to make herself a coffee. "Asleep." She shook her head to herself as she spoke, her tone both stressed, tired and concerned. "Not peacefully."

"Do you want me to go keep an eye on her?"

Cate looked up at Baze and smiled slightly, shaking her head gently. "She's sleeping and the door's open. She should be fine. I'll go check on her in a little while."

Baze smiled, coming to Cate's side and snaking his arms around her waist as he kissed a line down her neck. "You know what we could do to fill that time?"

Cate leant into the touch instinctively, but her mind was elsewhere. "Maybe we should try Abby."

Baze pulled away slightly, confused. "You want your sister to join us?"

Cate scrunched up her face in confusion as she finally listened to what Baze was saying, but it quickly turned to horror and disgust. "What? No!" She pulled away and walked over to the bench where her bag was sitting, rifling through it until she found her phone. "No, I was thinking maybe we should see if Lux will talk to Abby."

"Okay, word of advice. Your sister and our daughter, major mood killers." Baze mumbled, more to himself than to Cate as he sat opposite her at the kitchen table. 

Cate rolled her eyes. "How do you think Lux happened in the first place?" She asked rhetorically; her tone slightly angry. She honestly didn't understand how Baze could want to have sex while their suicidal daughter was asleep in their bedroom.

"Whatever." Baze held up his hands in defense, picking up on Cate's anger. He got why she might not be in the mood; he wasn't either, but he wanted to do anything to distract himself from the fact that his daughter had tried to kill herself.

"Baze, I'm sorry..." Cate sighed, placing her head in her hands stressed. "It's just, with everything with Lux..."

Baze stood up and smiled half-heartedly as he walked over to place his hands on her shoulders. "It's fine. I, uh, I think I'm going to go check on the bar. Are you okay?"

"Yeah..." She breathed, nodding but it was obvious she wasn't convinced herself. "Go. We'll be fine."

Baze kissed the top of Cate's head gently before grabbing his jacket and leaving the house without a word.

If Cate had any energy left, she would have felt guilty. With everything that had happened with Lux and Ryan since the almost-wedding, their relationship had taken a back seat. It was understandable, but Cate knew that it wasn't fair to either Baze or herself.

She left Abby a voice message as she drank her coffee, sitting silently at the table as she thought. She loved Lux and Baze more than anything, there was no denying that. But there was still a small part of her that couldn't help but think everything was just so much easier before they came back into her life.

Cate instantly felt guilty and selfish at the thought and instinctively made her way into her room to check on Lux. The teenager was still asleep, so Cate grabbed her own laundry before riffling through Lux's bag to find hers.

Cate learned the hard way you should not leave all your dirty laundry to the same day. Half an hour later when Lux emerged in the kitchen, Cate was still sorting whites and colors.

"Hey. Good morning." Cate smiled, following Lux to the cupboard.

Lux forced a tight smile before pouring herself a coffee, not bothering to say anything.

"How are you feeling?"

Lux rolled her eyes, instantly growing frustrated. "I'm fine. I'd be even more fine if you'd just stop asking me that."

Cate sighed before responding, keeping herself calm despite Lux's tone. "I just want to make sure that you're okay."

"I'm fine." Lux repeated almost too quickly, brushing past Cate.

Cate grabbed her arm gently and spun her around, letting go the second she felt Lux flinch but brushing it off as she was just angry. "See you keep saying that, but fine people don't try to kill themselves."

Lux rolled her eyes and crossed her arms across her chest defensively, turning around and walking away. "I'm having a shower. You don't need to follow. That is unless you don't think I'm _fine_ enough to do that."

Cate held back her frustration, turning and gripping the edge of the bench tightly as she tried to calm herself. She waited until she heard the shower running before reluctantly going back to the laundry, sorting through a few items before something caught her eye.

She grabbed Lux's top out of the basket curiously, confused by the stain before she realized what it was.

Cate didn't know how to react. She felt nauseous; there was overwhelming worry racking her body, but she couldn't help but feel a little angry and disappointed too.

She was still staring at the top fifteen minutes later when Lux transferred from the bathroom to the bedroom.

She knocked on the door gently after a few minutes, waiting for Lux to say she had finished changing before entering the room.

"Show me your arm." Cate demanded, her tone almost angry.

Lux subconsciously backed up a few steps, starring at Cate with a deer caught in headlights expression. "Why?" Her voice shook as she asked quietly.

Cate reached out and grabbed Lux's arm before she could pull away, pushing up the sleeves. She gasped, instantly dropping Lux's arm and covering her mouth when she saw the scars. "Oh my god..." Cate breathed.

Lux backed up a few steps and covered her arm protectively, instinctively pressing hard on a fresh cut on her thigh with her free hand; her coping mechanism when it came to situations she didn't want to be in.

"Lux..." Cate breathed shakily, staring at Lux through wide, glassy eyes. "What did you do?"

"It's nothing." Lux lied as she dug her nails into her thigh deeper, cringing when she felt fresh blood. "I got cut when I was little on some barbed wire. It's just a scar."

Cate didn't buy it, but she didn't know how to respond either. "Show me."

"No." Lux glared back defensively.

Cate didn't know what overcame her. She reached out and grabbed Lux's arm before the teenager could pull away, holding it so Lux couldn't move as she looked over the scars.

"Cate!" Lux pulled her arm back, backing away slightly. "What the hell?" Her tone was shaky, but Cate knew she was more scared than angry.

"Are there anymore?" Cate was almost afraid to hear the answer.

Lux played dumb, hoping she would drop it. "What?"

"Cuts, Lux!" Cate yelled unintentionally. "Have you been cutting yourself again?"

"Again?" Lux found herself growing increasingly annoyed. Who was Cate to assume she cut herself intentionally. Sure, she was right, but that didn't erase the fact that Cate didn't have a clue. "You have no idea what you are talking about!"

"Oh, no? Then enlighten me." Cate wasn't thinking as she replied. She was so worried and felt so guilty that she couldn't help but get angry. "Did someone make you slice up your skin or do you just do it for fun?"

The second the words left Cate's mouth, she instantly regretted them. Both stood in shock; Lux's eyes filling with tears as she crossed her arms across her chest protectively.

"You want to know why I do it?" Lux's voice was completely void of emotion. She pointed to one of the scars on her arm. "This one? This one I did when foster parents I didn't even want rejected me." She pointed to another one. "These? These were when I was staying with a foster mother who reminded me every day that I was 'worthless' and 'unwanted'."

Lux ignored the fact that Cate was staring at her, her eyes filling with tears, as she lifted up her top to reveal her stomach. "This one I did to take my mind off of the fact that I was starving because my foster parents preferred to spend the money on booze rather than food. These?" She signaled to her stomach as a whole. "These I did just so I could feel something other than rejection."

Lux wasn't thinking as she pulled down her sweatpants, ignoring Cate's gasp at the oozing, smudged blood that was coming from her most recent cut. "You see this?" She pointed to the word 'dirty' which was carved deep in her thigh. "I did this the first time one of my foster dads raped me. The rest of them I did every time after that. And you know why? It wasn't for _fun_ or because anyone made me; I did it because it was something_ I_ had some control over, unlike the rest of my life."

Cate had tears running down her face as she stared at Lux's body, her eyes wide. She had no idea what to say. All she knew is that she felt physically sick knowing she had caused that much pain to her own daughter.

"Why is there a new one?" Cate finally asked, her voice barely louder than a whisper. It wasn't what she wanted to say, but she honestly didn't know what else to do.

Lux looked slightly taken back at the question. She had expected Cate cry or apologize or yell at her or something; she didn't expect that. "What?"

Cate swallowed the forming lump in her throat, trying to compose herself. "Why is there a new cut?"

Lux didn't know what to say so she just remained silent, pulling up her pants and protectively crossing her arms across her torso.

"I just- I don't understand." Cate's eyes filled with tears as she looked at her daughter. "Why do you do this to yourself now? What did _we_ do to make you feel like you have to hurt yourself?"

"This is not about you!" Lux screamed and began to cry, surprising Cate with the sudden outburst. "Don't you get it? It's not about you." She repeated, whimpering.

Cate stood frozen for a few moments before slowly approaching Lux and drawing her daughter into her arms, silently begging her to not pull away. Lux relaxed into the embrace after a few seconds of hesitation; wrapping her arms around Cate and crying into her shoulder as Cate rubbed her back soothingly and murmured comforting words.

It took almost an hour for Lux to properly calm down, and in that time, Cate had moved them into the longue room. Lux was laying down on the couch with her head in Cate's lap as Cate gently played with her hair, both lost in their own thoughts.

Eventually Cate broke the silence, gently moving her hand to rest on Lux's shoulder.

"Lux, I need you to talk to me, okay?" Cate spoke gently yet firmly. "I need you to let me in."

"No..." Lux immediately shook her head, her voice desperate.

Cate rubbed her arm soothingly, careful to keep Lux from freaking out again. "Lux, it's okay, alright? I'm right here and I'm not going to hurt you, but I need you to talk to me."

Lux shook her head, desperately gripping to Cate's hand. "No, Cate, please don't make me talk. I don't want to talk about it." She began to hyperventilate, talking to herself. "I don't want to keep remembering. I don't want to remember anymore."

**He grunted as he made his way into the dark room. Lux had been surprised upon first meeting him. He was disgusting; borderline obese with the constant lingering smell of sweat, beer and cigarettes. She hated him instantly.**

**Her foster mom wasn't much better. She was passed out drunk most afternoons by the time Lux got home from school, and the only reason she had agreed to foster kids in the first place was for the welfare check.**

**Ten year old Lux gripped tightly to her teddy bear as her foster dad, Tim, approached her, curly up in the fetal position.**

**He sat on the side of her bed, breathing heavily as Lux did her best to pretend she was asleep.**

**She flinched instinctively as he reached out to stroke her hair seductively, and she could almost feel him smiling as he slipped a hand underneath the bed covers.**

**Lux froze; she wanted to scream, run, anything, but her fear was keeping her in place. He groped his hand down her shaking body, finding his way under her pajama top and gently stroking her chest.**

**Lux wanted to cry, but instead she squeezed her eyes shut and prayed for it to be over soon.**

**She could hear him unbuckling his belt and felt the bed shift as he crawled under the covers beside her.**

**He breathed heavily next to her face as he climbed on top of her, Lux biting her lip to keep from crying or screaming as she felt him, hard against her thigh.**

**It was strange how five minutes could change your life. Five minutes was all it took to rip away the last shred of innocence Lux had. She spent the rest of the night in the shower trying to scrub him off of her.**

"... I was shipped back to Sunnyvale two months after that when my foster mother found out and got jealous that her husband would rather me than her. But that didn't stop him from coming into my room every night before that to 'be with me'."

Lux was crying by the time she finished telling Cate, while Cate stared at Lux speechless, silent tears streaming down her own cheeks.

She felt sick with guilt, but she had no idea how to react. "Lux..." She breathed out.

Lux responded by grabbing her hand and gripping it tightly. She blamed Cate. She had always blamed Cate. But at that moment, she didn't care. All she wanted was her mom, and for the first time that she had talked about her past, her mom was there.

"What happened next, baby?" Cate whispered after a few minutes, squeezing her hand reassuringly.

Lux shook her head, pulling her hand away. "You're never going to look at me again." Lux whispered, hugging herself tightly as she cried. "You're going to hate me."

Cate's heart broke as she watched her daughter. Nothing could be worse than what she had just heard; how could Lux possibly think that she would hate her. "Lux... honey, I could never hate you. I just want you to talk to me. I promise everything is going to be okay."

"No, it's not." Lux shook her head to herself, instinctively pulling away from Cate as she put up emotional barriers. "You're never going to look at me the same way again."

"Lux." Cate said firmly yet lovingly. "I promise you, anything from your past, it won't ever make me look at you any differently. I know who you are now, and that's all that matters. Just please... help me know you better."

Lux didn't speak for a few minutes and Cate was sure she had shut her out again. "I was twelve. Tasha and I, we'd just ran away from Sunnyvale and we were living with Bug and Gavin." She starred ahead; her tone completely emotionless. "It was hard, you know. We had bills, and no money. Not to mention whenever they did get paid, their money went straight to drugs."

She paused, feeling Cate tense beside her. "Tasha and I, we tried to find jobs. No one was willing to hire two twelve year old runaways. Gavin, he, uh, he hooked us up with a few of his friends. We didn't want to do it, but it was easy money, you know? We couldn't make rent and Tash and I refused to go back to Sunnyvale."

**Twelve year old Lux shivered as she slowly walked down the dark street, holding her head high but making sure to avoid making eye contact with anyone else. Cars drove by slowly, picking and choosing. Some were looking for drugs, others for people like herself.**

**A car pulled over a few feet in front of herself, and Lux pasted on a seductive smile as she slowly walked over to the now open window.**

**"Hi, handsome." Lux leant over the car window deliberately, showing as much skin as she could. She was lucky, money wise; young, fresh blondes were in almost as much demand as the experienced professionals.**

**The man wasn't as repulsive as usual. He was overweight and balding but he couldn't have been older than forty. He avoided eye contact, switching his gaze between her chest and glancing around nervously. "How much?"**

**"Hand's thirty. Blow's forty. In and out's seventy. Around the world is three hundred and up depending on what and how." She recited for the third time that night.**

**"You up for anything?"**

**Lux nodded, smiling seductively. "Pick your poison."**

**The man leant over and opened the door for her, nervously looking around as Lux got in. He drove down the block to a deserted car park and pulled to a stop before unbuckling his pants.**

**Lux mentally prepared herself, watching him cautiously. She was tired and her jaw hurt, and Lux couldn't help but feel relieved that he was her smallest "customer" of the night.**

**Lux groped the man seductively as she bent over his crotch, running a hand up and down the man's leg as he shuffled back. Lux closed her eyes, silently begging it to all be over soon as she opened her mouth.**

Cate felt like she was going to be sick. Lux just sat there, completely numb. She knew she could never take it back, and she knew Cate would never look at her the same again. No matter how much Cate mentally prepared herself, no mother is ever ready to hear their child sold themselves for sex.

"I'm sorry." Her tone was completely monotone. "I shouldn't have told you."

Cate shook her head, trying to forget about her own feelings in order to reassure Lux. "No. I am so proud of you for telling me, Lux."

"I'm disgusting. I can tell from your face. I repulse you."

"Lux." Cate turned Lux to look at her, waiting until she made eye contact. For the first time since Lux had come back, Cate saw absolutely no emotion in the teenager's eyes. It scared her almost as much as what Lux just told her did. "You're not disgusting and you could never repulse me." She told her firmly. "You did what you needed to do to survive. You are the strongest, bravest person I have ever met, and I am so, so proud of you."

Lux didn't say anything, but from the look in her eyes, Cate could tell she was considering what she had just said. "I am just so sorry that you had to go through all that. I am so sorry I wasn't there for you. You have no idea how much I wish I could go back and do it all again."

Lux knew there was a high chance Cate felt worse than she did right now; a part of her couldn't help but hate Cate for giving her up, but another part, the logical part, knew that it wasn't her fault and she would have never given her away if she knew that was going to happen. "You don't have to apologize."

"I wish I had been there."

Lux nodded, unable to keep her voice steady as her lip quivered and loose tears slipped down her cheeks. "Me too." She whispered, broken.

Cate instantly gathered Lux in her arms, holding her tightly as Lux finally broke down, her walls crashing; all of the emotions and memories she had kept bottled up for so long came out through her heart-wrenching cries.

"It's okay. It's okay. You're okay." Cate repeated, both to herself and to Lux as both mother and daughter cried. "I'm here. You're okay."

Cate held Lux as close as she could, continuously running her hand through Lux's hair as her daughter gripped her back tightly, crying into her shoulder.

"I'm so tired, Cate." Lux whispered after she had calmed down, struggling to keep her eyes open. Cate knew how she felt. Today had been the second most emotionally tiring day of her life, but Cate also knew Lux was talking about more than just today.

"I know." Cate whispered, placing a light kiss to Lux's head. "Go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up... I'll always be here."

**A/N: Okay, so that was an angsty chapter. I plan to incorporated some of the happier moments of Lux's childhood as well, but I was in a crappy mood while writing this so sorry it's so depressing**


	9. The Devil's Tears

**Chapter 9- The Devil's Tears**

Lux woke up slowly, surprised to find herself in her own bed, and that she had made it through the night nightmare free. Lux looked around and noticed she was alone, and she didn't know whether to be relieved or worried about the new freedom.

"I slept in my own bed."

Baze smirked slightly, looking up from the stove as Lux walked into the kitchen. "Very observant."

Lux ignored his remark, signaling to the bathroom. "And there's a door on the bathroom. What happened to complete lockdown?"

Baze placed a plate of pancakes in front of Lux as she sat at the table, taking a seat beside her. "Cate thought it was time to give you a little more privacy. You trusted us, we're going to trust you too."

"Cate told you, didn't she?"

Baze frowned slightly, trying to read Lux's expression. "She told me that you talked, but she didn't give me details. She didn't want to without your permission."

Lux nodded to herself, slightly relieved. "She can tell you. It's okay." She whispered after a few minutes.

Baze nodded, smiling gratefully. They ate in silence for a few minutes, Lux looking up and frowning as she looked around. "Where is she anyway?"

"Ah, she went out for a little while."

Lux nodded and didn't even bother to hide her disappointment. "What you really mean is she's avoiding me."

"Lux..." Baze frowned apologetically. "You know Cate. You know that when she doesn't want to deal with something, she pushes it away. She's just trying to figure out how to deal with everything. It's a lot, Lux."

Lux knew Baze was only trying to help, but he really wasn't good when it came to comforting.

"Hey, how about we do something today? Hang out? Just you and me." Lux opened her mouth to protest, a list of excuses on the tip of her tongue but she stopped when Baze nudged her, smirking. "Come on. It'll be fun."

Lux reluctantly gave in, shrugging and nodding hesitantly which caused Baze to smirk, stand up and pull a faux groaning Lux up with him.

Baze and Lux spent the day playing mini golf before heading to the movies. Lux was really too tired to do anything else, and Baze wanted to ensure there were as little awkward silences as possible.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" Lux rolled her eyes, raising an eyebrow at Baze as he stood hesitantly in front of her. "I think you should come with me."

"Trust me, okay? You'll be gone for, what, 15 minutes? I'll just hang out here and choose the movie."

Baze reluctantly gave in, sighing. "I swear to god, Lux. If you're not okay when I get back..."

He trailed off and Lux could see his internal battle. She didn't blame him, but it was still slightly annoying. Her own fault, however, she knew.

Lux nodded and Baze sighed again, hesitating before holding a kiss to her head and leaving the house.

Lux looked up when the door opened five minutes later, fully expecting Baze to have come rushing back with the intention of forcing her to come with him. She was caught off guard when she saw it was Cate.

"Hey." Lux looked up from the couch and smiled slightly as the door opened.

Cate stopped and turned to her from the foyer, a surprised look on her face. "Hey..."

An awkward silence overcame the two, neither knowing what to say or how to act. Cate didn't even move from the foyer, and that didn't go unnoticed by Lux. "Baze went to pick up the pizza."

"He shouldn't have left you alone." Cate mumbled, more to herself than to Lux.

Lux heard her, rolling her eyes. "He'll be back soon. We're going to watch a movie. You can join if you want..." Lux trailed off awkwardly.

Cate forced a tight smile, brushing her off quickly. "I'm actually really tired. I think I'm just going to go to bed."

"Oh..." Lux pasted on a small smile, but Cate didn't even hang around to hear her response.

Baze literally sped to the pizza bar and back, his mind on Lux the entire time. He arrived back to find Lux sitting on the couch, starring off into space with the same few movies on her lap as had been there when he left.

"Hey..." Baze smiled, affectionately placing a hand on her head to bring her out of her thoughts. He placed the pizza on the coffee table before taking a seat beside her, watching as Lux turned towards him only slightly. "You find something?"

Lux remained in her own world, distracted by her whirlwind of emotions. Baze watched Lux's internal battle for a few moments before nudging her gently, the worry clear on his face despite his efforts to hide it. "What's on your mind kiddo?"

Lux didn't answer for a few moments, and Baze was certain she had shut him out completely until she shrugged slightly, trying to act like she wasn't fazed although it was clear she was hurting. "She won't even look at me."

"Lux..." Baze sighed. He had noticed it immediately, but he almost wished Lux had been too distracted to notice her own mother was doing all she could to avoid her.

Lux interrupted him, standing up. "I'm going to shower. You can choose the movie."

Lux left without another word and Baze found himself acting before thinking as he basically stormed into their bedroom, surprising Cate.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

Cate looked up, taken off guard and yet somehow she knew exactly what he was talking about. "Baze..."

"No, Cate. I'm serious. You convinced Lux to talk to you then you spend the entire day ignoring her. Are you stupid, or are you deliberately trying to make her kill herself?" He knew it was harsh, but he couldn't control himself. The thought of losing his daughter scared him to death, and Cate was unintentionally making that possibility more likely.

"You try hearing your daughter was selling herself for sex and see how you react!" Cate screamed back, not thinking before yelling.

"What?" Baze stumbled back, literally feeling sick.

"Baze..." Cate instantly regretted telling him; she knew he deserved to know, but she also knew he would never be able to handle it.

"She- She sold herself for sex?" Baze spat the sentence out in disgust, but Cate knew that disgust wasn't directed toward Lux.

"Baze-"

Baze ignored her, trying to come to terms with the revelation. He turned away from Cate, his body involuntarily gagging as he hunched over and tried to catch his breath. After a few seconds, he covered his face with his hands, yelling through gritted teeth before standing up.

Cate took in that his cheeks were wet and she knew he had been crying. She felt like doing the same but honestly didn't think she had any more tears to shed.

"Babe..." Cate breathed out shakily, pausing before stepping forward and wrapping her arms around his shoulders. Baze gripped her back strongly, letting himself go and crying into her shoulder.

Cate rubbed his back soothingly, whispering comforting words. It was in that moment that she knew he could never hear the extent of Lux's childhood, at least of what she knew.

Eventually Cate pulled back, kissing a line down the side of Baze's face as she held it. "It's okay..."

Baze pulled back and Cate noticed his expression. "No. Hey." Cate placed her hands on Baze's chest, stopping him in his tracks. "Calm down, okay? Lux can't see you like this. That's the last thing she needs right now."

Baze paused at Cate's words, looking at her. It was then that he took in the shower had stopped, and slowly moved past Cate out of the room.

He spotted Lux on the couch, looking more vulnerable and child-like than ever. Lux had a knowing expression on her face and she slowly looked up to take Baze in, instantly feeling ashamed when she did.

Baze moved from the entrance to stand in front of her, hesitating before holding a kiss to Lux's head.

No words were spoken and Baze left the house a minute later, mumbling something about needing some time.

Lux sat staring at nothing, thoughts racing through her mind, until Cate came out a few minutes later.

"Hey." Cate breathed out tiredly, slowly emerging from her room and pasting on an exhausted smile.

Lux looked up and smiled awkwardly, not sure what to do or say. "Hey..."

The tension could be cut with a knife as both women tried to take in what the other was thinking. Cate eventually broke it, taking a seat on the couch beside Lux and gently taking her daughter's hand. "I'm sorry."

Lux shook her head, shrugging casually. "It's okay." They both knew what she was sorry for.

"No, it's not." Cate shook her head, smiling apologetically. "I wasn't trying to ignore you. I just needed some time. You know, just to process everything. It's a lot to take in, Lux."

Lux nodded slowly, signaling she wasn't angry and that she understood. A silence overcame them for a few moments before Lux broke it, almost afraid to hear the answer. "You told Baze?" Cate nodded, watching Lux carefully. "How'd he react?"

Cate sighed, trying to work out how to answer. In all honesty, Cate could literally see his heart breaking as she told him. "He's just worried about you." _And he wants to kill everyone who ever laid their hand on you._

Lux nodded, biting her lip slightly as she thought. "He doesn't have to." Cate looked confused so Lux continued. "Worry. I'm okay."

"Are you though?"

Lux looked up at Cate's question, not sure how to respond. Eventually she nodded, though it didn't convince either of them. "Yeah... I mean, I will be."

Cate nodded sincerely. "I know you will." She paused, grasping Lux's mood before continuing. "That's why I made you an appointment to see someone. A therapist."

"What? No way." Lux instantly shook her head, growing frustrated.

"Lux..."

"No, that's not fair. I told you; that should be enough. I don't want to talk to some shrink."

Cate nodded, keeping her tone calm. "I know you did, Lux, and I'm really proud that you told us. We both are. But Baze and I? We want you to keep talking to us and letting us in, but we can't give you the kind of help you need to get better."

"I don't need to get better." Lux started defensively, her tone bitter. "I'm not sick."

"No, I know that." Cate assured quickly, struggling to keep her emotions in check. "But honey, I also know that you're not happy, and you're not going to be until you get some help."

"I am." Lux nodded quickly, not even thinking as she panicked. "I swear I am. I'm happy here. I don't need to see some shrink. Please, mom, don't make me."

Cate was completely taken aback by Lux calling her 'mom' that she didn't even know what to say. Lux, however, didn't even seem to notice.

"Will you just try it?" Cate eventually tried, her tone almost begging. "For me?"

Lux was about to protest, but the second part of Cate's sentence stopped her. She already felt guilty for everything she had put Cate and Baze through over the last few weeks, but then again, she also blamed them. Eventually she nodded, hesitantly. "Okay." She whispered.

Cate broke into a grateful smile, cupping the side of Lux's cheek as she drew the teenager towards her. Lux sighed, exhaustedly leaning into her mom as Cate kissed her head. They sat in silence, Lux's breathing slowly evening signaling she was asleep while Cate stared into the distance, completely lost in her own thoughts and completely oblivious to Baze watching them from the doorway.


End file.
